The jig is up

"FBI Arrests Blogger..."

Uh huh.

It happens folks. What I post on here could land me in the Federal Pen. I think it is time for some clarifications...

1. Any and all references to a "dance" that involves a baby being "jiggled" will be removed. Said baby was under the complete supervision of a licensed physician during this display of mommy entertainment. Said baby is also under the contract of a major entertainment company so that any and all duplication of his "work" is prohibited by law.

2. Any and all references to "husband" are authorized in writing by "husband". "Husband" wishes to make the following statement, "I am not now, nor have I ever been disgruntled. I am formally trained in the art of obedience by my mother, who is legally certified to spank me with a wooden spoon. 'Wife' has not ever coerced me into taking out the trash, nor used physical force to compel me to kill and remove insects from my home. I wish to state that I reside in a home with 'wife' and 2.5 'children' of my own will. I am not now, nor have I ever been a hostage who slaves away all day to have every penny taken from my salary, forced to eat overcooked meals served with green vegetables and sleep on 'my side of the bed' which is always ten degrees hotter than the 'good' side."

3. Any and all references to a child that likes to "sing with Hannah Montana" are legitimate. They have been verified by numerous sources, who are willing to provide testimonials. As stated in contract with "Hannah Montana" we cannot reveal the times or locations of these personal concerts, and so we will continue to claim that they are done in our living room to the sounds of my XM radio using an old back massager as a microphone, wearing half of a princess costume, using the blank screen of the television as a mirror.

Please label all complaints with the appropriate red tape. They will be read and filed away into oblivion.
Best of luck,
Management